how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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