Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
