Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
