I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
