Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
