You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
