How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
