I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
