the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
