I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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