You just made me feel so damn special
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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