She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
