Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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