wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
