I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.