Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.