Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame