im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
