Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.