you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress