I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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