I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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