a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
