i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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