Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
