Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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