i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
