All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
