I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Say something about gay babies.
She announced her abortion via fbk
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
