I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
