I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
