yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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