dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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