Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize