I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
