If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
