Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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