a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
