im drinking this country out of the recession.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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