so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
