Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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