I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
