We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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