I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
