im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
