That's when you crack a 10am beer
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
