i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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