woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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