Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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