I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
