ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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