i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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