dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
