Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
