why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
what day is it and did you see me today?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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