waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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