I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We left an ass print on the piano.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
