Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
