I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
