shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
