Ambien. No doubt about it.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
