Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
