man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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