I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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