Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
