It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
