wrigley field is MILF paradise
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
