another moral hangover. fuck.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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