I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
