I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
