he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
