This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
