Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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