Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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