im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
