just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
