Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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